Journalese 3: Heavy fine on lightening centre

A consumer court has imposed a heavy fine on a slimming centre at Punjabi Bagh for failing to burn the fat of three customers. The centre had assured to reduce the weight of Aarti Kapur, Vikram Kapur and Divya Kapur by 10 kg, 30 kg and 20 kg respectively. But at the end of the course, the complainants lost only four, nine and 10 kg, respectively.

Bloody funny!
Knowing the Punjabis'* penchant to drive a good bargain, where 'good' often morphs into 'crooked', I can imagine the Kapur's really tucking into it a week or so before the end of the slimming course.

"Oye, eat the up the fried chikkan tikkas! Kuch din to baaki hain, aur sabne paanch-paanch kilo nahi chadhaye to paise dene pad jayenge un centre-walon ko. Le parothen aur le."**

From the amount of kilograms that they have to show at the end, it seems they overcompensated.

Two of the complainants discontinued the course after they allegedly suffered “electric shock” therapy.

I suppose that is the modern and scientific way to 'burn away' all that fat. Oxidize, pulverize, neutralize, anything-but-ossify it. Employing streams of agile electrons no less. Or, perhaps, the dieticians realized that the only way to stop a Punjabi from eating is to kill him/her. Maybe he/she believes in the adage 'The only Punjabi that eats healthy, is a dead Punjabi"

*Kapur's tend to hail from the North Indian province of Punjab, not to be confused with Punjabi Bagh which is a locality in the city of Delhi. A rather shitty one, if you allow me a candid description.

**Only a few days to go and if you lot don't put on five kilos each we will have to pay the slimming centre. Here take some parothas (heavy Indian bread, mostly soaked in butter).