Aristocratic offsprings

The Thai Princess

When I was young, and at Cornell, the Thai Princess was studying law there. She used to have a bodyguard with her. All the time. Just in case an American beefcake became interested in Thai cooking. Anyway, the bodyguard used to go to classes with her, shopping with her, driving with her, anything with her. Go wash your mouth.

Once she came to play badminton, and only the bodyguard was allowed to her partner. What if you stabbed her in the back with the badminton racquet? This broke the heart of young Hong Kong native, especially because he couldn't see what made this bodyguard so hot to handle. Perhaps his blacker than black karate belt? Anyway, I refused to play against her citing arthritic heart attacks. I had no inclination to shorten my life by accidently hitting her with a smash, or beating their team and making her sad. That bodyguard looked mean.

Another interesting thing was that she used to live in her own house fully supplied with cooks, maids, butlers, and, I am told, a legal advisor.

The Portugese Prince

When the scion of the Portugese rulers went to Oxford to improve his mind, just in case one was found at a later date, it caused great consternation at the court. "Who will befriend the Prince?" was for months a hot dinner debate. "Can't have him associating with the common English bumpkin and other foreign riff-raff." Of course, it may show the Prince in poor light; he not being the brightest bulb in the land of Spain.

After much souls searching and by employing several detective agencies, the Royal court discovered a British aristocrat's boy right there at Oxford. Amazing, I know, and here we thought they took them in on merit, not majesty. Anyway, this little British blue-blood was commandeered to keep the Prince company. When asked later to comment how royal companionship had expanded his mind, he said, "It was the most boring experience of my life. After this, watching my toenail grow is akin to a day out at the Coliseum in ancient Rome after the Lions had had a bad night following a weeks worth of fasting."
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Talking about royalty and Lions in Coliseums, Wiley's non sequitur take is wonderful: