The Daily Slimes: The Interview

In an effort to bring you groundbreaking news, we managed to corner the unheard of recluse Sharma, on the occasion of his breaking new ground; his 27th year. He agreed to talk to us about his cultural accomplishments through the last year. This is a real breakthough in the news media, considering that he has never granted an interview before. Though our opponents would have you believe that no newspaper has asked him yet and, further, that that he has a majority stake in The Daily Slimes. As if we would stoop that low.

Anyway, here are some excerpts:

(i = Interviewer, i = Ishan).

i: And how old are you today?
i: 20.

i: 20?
i: Give or take a few months.

i: We hear that you have taken up a musical instrument?
i: Lies, all lies. People are trying to say that because I can't find a live partner, I have stooped to inanimate objects.

i: No, no, I wasn't asking whether you have you taken up WITH a musical intrument. I was simply asking whether you are learning to play any?
i: Oh, yes, yes. Here it is. 500 smackers. Rather pricey for guitar, you know. And somewhat smaller than I expected. But, it was a good deal. I got this stick-thingy for free. But, I am a little disappointed with my teacher. She doesn't allow me to make-d0 like the rock stars. Says, I have stick this guitar into my neck, and have proper posture, and play it with a stick rather than pluck. Hey, Aerosmith doesn't look like he gives a rat's ass about posture. Finally, whats all this jazz about reading music, in order to be able to play the guitar. Between you and me, I very much doubt if Aerosmith can read a tattoo, much less music. Personally, I think this teacher is a fraud. I think I will slam-dunk her.

i: Ah, yes, the "guitar". A splendid instrument. In our corner of the woods, we tend to call it the Violin.
i: Really? Well, live and learn, I always say.

i: Moving on, we hear that you are beginning to learn Yoga. Why this sudden interest?
i: Well, with age flexibility becomes an issue. And flexibility is good. You can do maneuvers in badminton that leaves your opponent a hopeless puddle of puss in the middle of the court. Finally, I came across this interview with Ron Je

i: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I see. And what all can you play on your "guitar"?
i: Oh, I am very excited about it. I am all the way up to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Before you know it, Knopfler will be looking for a new job.

i: We also hear you have become interested in ballroom dancing?
i: Yes, I thought that would be a nice way to get "up, close and personal" with people. If you know what I mean. But, when I went to some of these classes, it turned out we had necessarily to dance with girls. No other option. I was very, very disappointed.

i: Ah, I see. Quite. We also hear that you have become fond of frequenting theatres and music halls?
i: Well, I won't say fond, but I have been to a few in the recent past. When I was in Prague, I went to three of those in three days. The background score was nice. Some up-and-coming chappies called Verdi and Mozzie. But everyone was dressed from tip to toe, and dames kept breaking into shrill notes, and guys would frequently sing like they got bolus stuck in their throats. Shit, if I wanted that kind of a thing I would have gone to one of those operas.

i: But, of course. I see high culture will have to await your arrival a tad longer.
i: Hey, you know what, it can wait till the cows come home.
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This way to a previous scoop.