Journalese 8: The eye of the upholder

The scantily-clad squads of 'cheerleaders' during the recent India-Australia T20 cricket match here have come under police scanner with deputy chief minister R R Patil announcing that he would review video tapes to see if the group indulged in obscene behaviour. Such is the dedication of this custodian of our straight-jacketed life, that he appeared quite enthusiastic about sitting through hours of footage of mini-skirted, halter-necked girls. In fact, several late evening meetings discussing Mumbai's abysmal garbage situation have been postponed to accommodate this immediate gleam in the eye of the this upholder of our ethical life. Instead, a special pool-side 70 mm screening, "to catch every amoral morsel", has been arranged. To get opinions across the board, many close aides and ministers keeping a close watch on the hemline of society's moral fabric have also been invited.

But, being a firm believer in the old saying that one must hate the sin and not the sinner, our morally munificent leader has invited the cheerleaders for a private session to show them the error of their ways. "In fact," Mr. Patil said, "this will give these young women an opportunity to illustrate finer ethical and/or artistic points in their act that can only be appreciated live. In flesh, so to speak." Asked about the possibility of an on-the-spot inspection at a neighboring cricket ground, Mr. Patil responded that "I was not present at the match but we will go through the tapes before taking any action on the issue", Patil, who also holds the Home portfolio, said at Mantralaya."Anyway, stadiums nowadays are far too big for a detailed and close inspection, and yes I have tried field glasses, but it is not the same. Also, the cricket and spectators distract my righteous eye. All those cheers for wickets and sixes! "