The secret of eternal youth

As you all may know, and if not, now you do, I am but a boy. A mere speck of twenty wasted years... give or take a few months.

You may well ask why time has so conveniently stopped for me. Though the obvious device of smashing any clock in sight with a cunningly concealed pocket sledgehammer, and ignoring the ones that are either out of reach or owned by large muscular specimens may help, I think the truth lies in a couple of my planets being exalted. Astrologically speaking.

Because, most people's planets are not so salted, I offer them an alternative path to eternal youth. Almost.

A few days ago I was out strolling with my grandfather and aunt. He was telling us the secret of eternal youth. A secret he extracted out of an eighty year old sage who looked forty and jumped from crag to crag inside railway bogies*. As the aunt of mine is chugging along the forties, she was rather interested. Who wouldn't want to look like a new born?. Yeah, I know the nappy does ride up the arse, but you know, all your needs get taken care of. So, she was clinging on to these golden words with two flapping ears.

"So the wise old man says to me, 'The secret of eternal youth is a daily shot of Amla** mixed with...' er mixed with..."

"Mixed with what" my aunt shrieks

"I don't remember. It has been a long time. It is that thing, which, ugh... , you know"

" No, I don't. Come one, this is the most important bit.", she yowled, seeing eternal youth vanishing into eternity.

... and so it carried on.

Until he remembered.

But, I forget.

---

*You need to have travelled in an 3-tier sleeper coach on an Indian train to get that one.

**Indian gooseberry. Sorry you people out West. You are shit outta luck. Especially England. They stole all the money, but forgot the good stuff.