Backpockets

On a particular sunny wintry Sunday morning in March I stumbled out of bed into Cambridge's city centre. It was teeming with loving doves with eyes only for each other. To further drive their intimate point home they had arms entwined in various interesting knots. The older generation with a nod to ravages of time settled for a simple hand-clasp. The chummier ones went for arms around each others shoulders, and the chubbier ones for a simple linking of limbs. The more adventurous, or flexible ones, went for some or other variation of the Heimlich manoeuver. Whatever the knot in their appendages, care was taken to protect their fingry extremeties from a particularly toothy wind.

Just as I was getting bored with the knotty display, the couple of the day hove into view. It comprised of a reasonably fit guy and a relatively larger lady wearing a particularly close-fitting pair of jeans*. The lady in a frank admission of revolting intimacy, and betraying a pie-eyed imagination, had her hand in the chap's backpocket. The lad feeling that such gestures require reciprocating, tried to get his hand in her backpocket. Failed. Tried again. Failed again. The lady let out a nervous titter, and the guy settled for a shoulder wrap-around. The biting wind tore gleefully at his knuckles, and I watched in fascination as they turned a cheery (teary?) red. He had forgotten his gloves.

Well, a famous Sooth did say to "Beware the Ides of March".

I almost took a picture, but the guy looked a little irate. Perhaps he was regretting giving the lady chocolates on Valentine's Day that may be responsible for stuffiness in her backyard.

*We call such fits shrink-fits. The SRI during one of its regular sittings at Cafe Nero came up with two suggestions to achieve such fits.

1.) Take a regular pair, and start digging into cakes, pies and pastries, taking care not to take off said pair of jeans for some months.

2.) Purchase a pair several sizes smaller. Don't worry, climbing into them is not that much of a problem. Preparation is the key. About an hour before wearing them, you should either boil the jeans, or deep freeze self. We recommend both to ease fleshy pain.