The annals of B.: Introducing the man

Hail the arrival of B. A mythical character rooted in reality. A hero for the ages. Stout of heart, strong of legs and steely eyed. A man of his word with the delicacy of an artist, the generosity of Demeter (with a suitable bodily modifications), and the strength of an Ox.

Ok, enough bullshitting. As a hero, B. was sub-zero. The stoutness of his heart was probably a heart attack coming on. The steel in his eyes were regulation spectacles, and let's not talk about his legs. His word was slightly less reliable than his pronunciation, which peaked on the word "no". His delicate diplomacy usually left you pining for something less cloying like treacle tart, while all that is known about his strength was that he once lugged a big bag of pennies to the bank. His generosity can be gauged from the fact that he knew that there were exactly 523 pennies in the bag.

Don't let this not lull you into thinking that B. was a country bumpkin with sub-human intelligence. Oh, no ,for if ever there was a shifty-eyed, conniving, self-congratulating, pompous, condescending, womanizing little eel, then it was he. But, again he wasn't bad, just someone whose code was a little relaxed, elastic, hazy and self-serving. He would have made it to the top, but for his propensity to fool himself before he got around to fooling the World.

Nevertheless, ours is not to knock the knock-kneed. The job of the chronicler is to dispassionately gather the facts and lay them before an unadmiring audience.

But you shall have the opportunity to judge yourself as we chronicle his adventures, passions and disasters, while following him around the World.

Meanwhile, here is an artistic impression of what B. thinks he looks like to the swooning ladies: The sexy man of mystery...


Now, wait with baited breath (what do you mean you can't bait?) as the biographer muddles through editing, writing and manufacturing a few articles, before getting down to tell you how B. found Eldorado.