Dances to a different beat

2011-09-07T03:07:00.000+01:00

Anna Mania IV

2011-08-28T16:38:00.000+01:00

Now, that the ministers are back home licking their wounds and sniffing for escape routes, let me temporarily relax in the warm glow of Anna's victory. I shall do so by turning on the heater, and recalling some of the more splendid slogans that I heard over the past week: We begin with number three on my list: Woh sarkar bikau hai, Kapil Sibal jiska tau hai. Ho Ho Ho. Serves bushy eyebrows right.

Anna Mania III

2011-08-27T05:56:00.002+01:00

Arundhati Roy recently wrote a fantastic piece, where she damned Anna's movement. She provided many, many reasons in brilliantly constructed language, why, She had rather not be Anna. Yes, she even titled her insightful piece "I'd rather not be Anna". Now, Anna could never write prose like that. He is, after all, a 7th pass villager. Ergo, Anna is not Arundhati Roy. By reflexivity, Arundhati is

Journalese 9: Helpline

2011-08-26T05:07:00.009+01:00

The newspaper reports of the terrible ordeal endured by a dedicated BT customer. For the discerning reader, a freewheeling account is provided below. A customer trying to call British telecoms operator BT Group was left hanging on the telephone for only a total of 20 hours, 'The Times' newspaper reported on Saturday. She is now already third in line. In a statement, BT blamed these efficient

Anna Mania II

2011-08-25T15:56:00.006+01:00

I know I am late. But at least its not never. Aruina Roy (AR) and co have announced an alternative Lokpal bill. "Not only is this bill, stronger, better, it is also more acceptable to all of India's mummies." , said Roy at a press conference attended by several of her colleagues, Congress workers like Abhifake Manu Singhvi (AMS), six people (Ram, Rahim, Rohan, Roxanne, Ranjit and Ramaswamy) from

Anna Mania 1

2011-08-24T18:08:00.003+01:00

Delhi's first mummy and son duo have finally come out with statements on Anna's fast. "We are firmly behind Anna ji and his fast against corruption. Almost literally.", said Shiela aunty. "Sandeep and his friends are making sure that backdoor supply chains remain unbroken and provided. Essentials such as medicines, water, volunteers, slogans, and even juicy tidbits about that brat Manish, Jayanti

What is the cost of getting rid of corruption?

2011-08-16T02:33:00.002+01:00

Ek Anna. (I hope.) For the Hindi- and/or historically- challenged: Sixteen anna makes one Indian Rupee. Battle begins 16 August.

Freedom at midnight

2011-08-15T01:54:00.001+01:00

God, its been long. So long, that I have forgotten why I wanted a blog. Exhibitionism. No, probably my wisecracking cup runneth over. Or, do such cups instead crack open? See, what I mean? Why am I back? Because, maybe I see freedom around the corner. Or, is she playing the matador to my life's bull? I hope not. But, I want to talk. Say something funny. Recall what it felt like. To not have a tug

Journalese 8: The eye of the upholder

2007-10-23T04:11:00.014+01:00

The scantily-clad squads of 'cheerleaders' during the recent India-Australia T20 cricket match here have come under police scanner with deputy chief minister R R Patil announcing that he would review video tapes to see if the group indulged in obscene behaviour. Such is the dedication of this custodian of our straight-jacketed life, that he appeared quite enthusiastic about sitting through hours

Stationed

2007-09-01T03:19:00.000+01:00

Plop!It is a conspiracy. I am telling you, it is a conspiracy. The station's crowded, dusty and just plain dirty. But, there are spots. And, what's more, right underneath the fans. You hear that, the fans. These babies are sparse enough, and the temperature humid enough. Then, why?So, you think maybe the World is full of people who just didn't get what Sherlock said about having an eye for detail

Katrina

2007-08-18T13:04:00.001+01:00

Sorry, long summer, longer autumn ahead, and, probably, a frigid winter. Meanwhile, one of the best jokes I have heard in a long time. If you ain't laughin', you ain't. Jokes.comGabriel Iglesias - President Bushcomedians.comedycentral.comGabriel IglesiasComediansStand-Up

Baby

2007-06-29T04:51:00.000+01:00

28 June 2007. Nine months here, nearer to the balckboard than ever. I am now officially a new born babe. A lamb.Time for somebody to start changing my nappies. And suckle me when I cry. Yeah!

Panic

2007-06-20T12:14:00.000+01:00

My 200th, so to reward you for lasting so long (with me), I shall tell the truth for a change.---He can't be mixing that.He is mixing that.He is mixing yellow Amul butter and milk, calling it delicious, and guzzling it.I can panic on that, but, shit, it is too early in the morning, and, hey, it is just food.It is not that kind of a day.The emails says"Enclosed herewith please find a photo of a

The Lyon's peck

2007-05-20T18:03:00.000+01:00

The last time I was in Lyon...Did that go down smooth, creamed with nonchalance?... I was very hungry.I was at this workshop, and the food was mostly meat creamed with cheese. The French tend to think that vegetrianism is some unknown sub-tropical disease. They keep a safe distance. The waiters being french, spoke french, and nodded sagely when confirming that the duck is purely vegetarian. You

Journalese 7: All about cricket

2007-05-18T09:31:00.002+01:00

A while ago in the sand-beached cricketing extravaganza in the West Indies, both the Indian and the Pakistani cricket teams were shipped back post haste. Two of the more entertaining comments I read somewhere. --- On Pakistan's defeat to Ireland, and subsequent chucking from the World Cup: "We will ask for his [Ashraf's] resignation in the meeting which is due to take place before March 28,"

Ellipticity

2007-04-24T10:45:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know, I don't post that often. Not because of paucity of stuff, but mostly because integrals, elliptic ones at that, are ruining my life. However, just to prove that my imaginative faculty has not been dulled by the monotonous frequency at which nasty integrals rear their heads, I present to you a bawdy joke, hot off my oiled head.A nubile young thing walks up to the boy manning the drug

My Watch

2007-04-03T11:40:00.000+01:00

When she took my hand, time was unnecessary. Now it is unknown.She is dead.No, I don't want to shock anybody. But death, though commonplace, mostly expected, sometimes even willed, never ceases to shock. Yes, it is true, my love at first sight died. It was too good to last. The signs had been there. Ever increasing scratches on her moonface. The oft skipped date. The unlit blotch at six o'clock.

The poor tabla

2007-02-07T16:43:00.000Z

Just back from listening to the Violin maestro N. Rajam. There is little I can say by way of words to describe the concert, mostly because I can't thumb a dictionary that obtuse. So, mostly I sat there with my fingers in my hair trying to ape the man whose emotions were being wrenched out by violin(ce). I fell asleep. But, just before I did, I had an epiphany. I realized that most of these

Vodka

2007-01-30T09:08:00.000Z

Folks of my vintage (and older), and similar failings have fond memories of things Russian. Thanks to the USSR, we binged on well-bound scientific books with quality content. But, then the Berlin wall came crashing down on Soviet toes, and what squirming life remained (in them toes) was flattened by tanks on the Red Square. Some people believe that the real damage to the remaining

I Walk the line

2007-01-08T16:31:00.000Z

I must apologise for this long absence. For failing to wish you lot a Happy New Year (in case your calendar, or your outlook, is Georgian). I hope you stood in line on a showery 31st and awaited my greetings. I too stood in a line on the 31st. A line for railway tickets. In front of me were many many men. And one specimen. He stood there shifting from a leg to another. Like a

September 9, 2006: A day in History.

2006-12-03T09:59:00.000Z

This is a blast from the past. Some photos may follow. Depends on how photogenic I feel.---Friday, I spent surveying England's history by visiting many little "points" of tourist interest that dot the English countryside. They just confirmed what Sir Humphrey had once remarked about British foreign policy. The focal point of the said policy was (and probably still remains) France. I dare say the

Gay Paree

2006-11-30T17:42:00.000Z

I was in Paris the other day.And because I really enjoyed that sentence, I will say it again. With more nonchalance.I was in Paris the other day.Standing by the roadside. Minding my business behind my shades. The glasses from Hades. You know, burnt black. There were a lot of pretty girls around. I get tapped tapped on my shoulder, and an arm is snaked through mine. It is a feminine arm.Hot damn!I

The secret of eternal youth

2006-11-10T17:39:00.000Z

As you all may know, and if not, now you do, I am but a boy. A mere speck of twenty wasted years... give or take a few months. You may well ask why time has so conveniently stopped for me. Though the obvious device of smashing any clock in sight with a cunningly concealed pocket sledgehammer, and ignoring the ones that are either out of reach or owned by large muscular specimens may help, I

A cow powwow

2006-10-20T04:29:00.000+01:00

An acquaintance of mine popped over to India. He came back and asked, what must have seemed to him, a rather pertinent question, "Why do you (Indians) have so many cows on the road?"I must say he had an eye for detail. Only poetry has the power to counter such insightful obsoivashuns.I once looked up into the sky,And a bird shat in my eye,But, I didn't fret, nor did cry,I thanked Him, who rolled

Homecoming

2006-10-19T16:37:00.000+01:00

Four weeks in I was not home. Not back in Kanpur. It was still just a muddied, muddled extension of a white-washed West. It was Cawnpore. All the way up until this morning. Then the lights went out. And they went out at a time when a person is most emotionally exposed. When he is searching deep within himself. When he is vulnerable. When he is on the John. And in that peculiarly fraternal

The blind legal Eagle

2006-10-18T17:16:00.000+01:00

There was a meeting today. Now that I am all grown up, and have to work for a living - like a well-adjusted social being - I was required to attend. One nugget that filtered out during the hour was that in case anyone has to reserve the institute guest house for a foreign (as in non-Indian) visitor, he has to seek permission from some Ministry or other. If the visitor hails from the Planet Zog,

I am so high, I could fly

2006-10-17T22:23:00.000+01:00

Sometime ago, our dear peace-loving Pakistani/Bangladeshi friends decided that we Hindus do not really understand spirituality and religion, and decided to ask some existential questions by scattering rather large firecrackers in the eternal town of Varanasi. I will not bore you with how many were felled by such brutal questioning, but I will point out how at least one question failed to make it

Dhond

2006-10-06T05:43:00.000+01:00

Huh?That is about the right response.An ex-Professor of mine took the Karnataka Express* down to Bangalore. Family in tow. The sinuously desultory nature of mid-afternoon train crawls in India had forced them into siesta. But, they were rudely awakened by an ear-shattering clamour. A sound reminiscent of marching Roman legions as their breastplates thundered over Gaul. Rather galling. Or, of

Adrift in September

2006-10-05T09:56:00.000+01:00

If you asked me how I spent the Libran month, I have to confess; I was drifting. On a sofa. It is a facet of homes (parents' homes - not parental) that once there, dicipline is not exactly the watchword. And one prefers not watch the clock while aimlessly drifting room to room interspersed with pessimistic forages in the refrigerator. The modem has shut shop too, so you can't even digitalise

The last weekend

2006-09-03T21:38:00.000+01:00

Long before I was born they made a movie called 'The Lost Weekend'. I haven't seen it but all indications tend to point towards romantic claptrap, so I can't be bothered.But what bothers me is this, my last weekend at Cambridge, and by extension in the West. The Occident. You see I return, by Air India of course, this coming Friday. Moreover, I return to a job. That is, in a way, the proverbial

Arjun's choice

2006-08-14T17:23:00.000+01:00

Long ago, when the Pandavas and the Kauravas got into a dispute over property rights, they decided to settle things the manly way; by first opting for aces, and then shunning argument in favour of bows, arrows, swords, maces and acres of empty playing fields. While preparing for the forthcoming hostilities, both Arjun (a middle-rung leader on the Good side) and Duryodhan (the leader of the less

Administrative abortions #1

2006-07-29T23:35:00.000+01:00

Charles Dickens was a great writer. He wrote the Pickwick Papers, of which it was often said that if in case things came to nuclear head and the West had to save one piece of written art that would define the Occident's contribution to the literary domain, then Pickwick Papers it would be.The previous sentence's construction would make Dickens stifle in his grave. Can't be injurious to his health

An ode to Marv

2006-07-22T20:03:00.000+01:00

So I wrote a poem. I am rather proud of it. And how did this happen? Fifty pages of bedtime Chandler on an empty stomach, followed by a dawn awakening. Obviously, it had to be,---The death of a mollYou see honey, the problem is:I have things to say,Ideas smarter than shots.I have painted pictures,Not all dried in red.I will have music left to play,Cantos softer than farewells.I have time on my

The ka-ching of love

2006-07-21T16:14:00.000+01:00

I am sitting in this pub abstractedly watching a lad chat up this lass. And he is doing a good job. She is all taken in by his self-deprecating self-aggrandization. Or, maybe she is just a smart actor at a loose end that night. But I wish he would do it in voice with less treble and more bass. The squeakyness is distracting me from my daily dose of Sundarkand. This ritual may finally purify the

Missed calling

2006-07-20T09:51:00.000+01:00

I am writing this in the dead of the night to tell y'all that I think I missed my calling. I think I should have been a surgeon. Happiest when rooting about in some poor slob's large intestine. The reason I say this is not because I believe I empathise better with my fellow man's suffering, or that I am possessor of great dexterity when manipulating sharp tools to be employed in far more

The reason why

2006-06-29T09:40:00.000+01:00

The need for clean underwear is the single most reason responsible for pushing men into the vicinity of laundromats. Every other article of clothing can be dealt with satisfactorily. Dirty socks? Who cares, they are inside shoes anyway. Shirts? Hey, what was deodorant invented for? And, wear dark colours. Not that anyone should be peering into my armpits. Finally, jeans are meant to be like that.

Enchanting An Teallach*

2006-06-19T21:34:00.000+01:00

You know that this mountain is anal about its privacy, when ten paces up you are faced with wooden fences along with subtle hints in the form of signboards pointing the way home. Your home.Being intrepid I looked squint-eyed at the skewed signpost and hoisted my backside up the fence. Only to have my path blockaded by the Sheep Guard. All looking directly at me. I am dead.Thankfully, I was still

Bachchan's bovinity

2006-06-03T20:52:00.000+01:00

MSC wrote a post chastising Amitabh Bachchan. His gripe is sour because the Bachchan's donated a lot of money to a temple when there are other more worthwhile causes, like saving dying children, or giving them to future penurious academics like yours truly. Anyway that post triggered a few neurons and caused me to turn in a few neat phrases relevant to the monetary activities of said superstar.1.

Heavenly neighbours

2006-06-01T11:17:00.000+01:00

There are movies out there that will have you believe that catching a plane is the best possible way to hook up. These are dangerous movies, and should be banned. Or, at least given a rating of T-, thereby indicating that these movies are suitable only for people below the age of Testosterone, as they contain scenes liable to raise the hopes of young men (flying) out there only to lead ultimately

My Watch

2006-05-21T00:26:00.000+01:00

I like my watch. Scratch that, I love her*. And with that deep identifying sort of love mostly reserved for more animate objects (Ok, ok, "people". Sheesh.). I have owned several watches. I liked a few, but was loyal to all. But, none appreciated me (big surprise, huh?). They abandoned me on rocky river beds, in cramped rooms, and at unheard of hotels. Some just gave up on the struggle to

Backpockets

2006-05-14T19:31:00.000+01:00

On a particular sunny wintry Sunday morning in March I stumbled out of bed into Cambridge's city centre. It was teeming with loving doves with eyes only for each other. To further drive their intimate point home they had arms entwined in various interesting knots. The older generation with a nod to ravages of time settled for a simple hand-clasp. The chummier ones went for arms around each others

Journalese 6: Furiously funny funeral

2006-05-11T17:31:00.001+01:00

Newspapers report on the recent demise of erstwhile Kannada superstar hero Dr. Rajkumar. It seems that his last role, in which he essayed a dead man, brought the crowd (yet again) to their collective feet. Finding themselves at a loss when on foot, the crowd then proceeded to bring the house down on Bangalore, as seen from yet another freewheeling report below (albeit nearly a month long in the

String theory

2006-05-04T15:30:00.000+01:00

So, I spent an hour at a string theory seminar. A college-mate, with a PhD. from Chicago, and a post-doctoral appointment at IAS/Princeton was stringing us along with wierd notation. It was a long hour. But, I used it constructively, to string together some facts that I believe you should know.Impossible = I'm possible.(Unless it is String Theory, or six minute miles)The difference between "I

Ben Damh: Sidekick of the Torridonian giants

2006-05-01T21:10:00.000+01:00

Day 2: Ben DamhTorridon, at the head of Upper Loch Torridon is a lucky hamlet. And, not just because they had Robert DeNiro and Michelle Pfeiffer cooped up in the Loch Torridon Hotel, awaiting their turn to trip the light fantastic for the upcoming Hollywood spectacle 'Stardust'. I kid you not...(Upper Loch Torridon)(Torridon trembling at the foot of Liathach, The Gray One)After being chastised

A silly walk up Slioch

2006-04-27T22:10:00.000+01:00

Day 1: Slioch (means 'The Spear' in Gaelic)My gear was new. It was expensive. And damn good quality. Spirit was high, but the snow on the (mountain) tops diluted it slightly. But hey, my boots were the best, and this time I had trekking poles (a.k.a. walking sticks) to boot. For good measure my bond with the Scottish Highlands held strong, and I had splendid weather. This was nothing short of a

Going out of business (temporarily) notice

2006-04-18T07:10:00.000+01:00

Dear misguided patrons,The author is down in the dumps with that sad last piece of rotting chicken. Figuratively. I am vegetarian. And he is scared, i.e., feeling chicken. So, he is running away to the hills today, which is not really a good idea for he wants to climb hills that scare him even more. Out of his living daylights, in fact. Anyway, he intends to be out for seven days. He is toting

Bike ride

2006-04-17T22:21:00.000+01:00

Today I went for a bike ride. After two years. It felt really good to have a bike that was responsive, whose gears shifted, and which braked when the commanded. A gem. I realised how starved my muscles, my mind, were for the steady hum of the wheel, the time-stilling cadence of the pedals.I also took my camera along, so that I can shellshock you with a photofeature, artfully, unoriginally, and

A prescription

2006-04-14T19:13:00.000+01:00

Right, for some reason or another, I have decided to review some of the blogs that I have read, or read. Don't worry, while reviewing I rely on my ability to see both sides of the coin, logically sift through a myriad of different views, and if all else fails, to land a swift back-handed jab under the belt.In the beginning there was Manish S. Chauhan and his musings. Interesting, insightful, and

The horn matters

2006-04-13T22:15:00.000+01:00

Nothing like mountains to put life in perspective. And when you are as much of a navel-gazing myopic as me, you sure as hell need a different take. Enjoy.

Party on

2006-04-13T11:25:00.000+01:00

Once at Cornell I went to a party. Some badminton semi-pals of mine were DJing. Actually, those chaps got on my nerves. But I was fed up with myself. So I tooled along. I went up to this dimly lit loft were they were holding this do. It didn't need any lights, the noise (substituting for music) was loud enough. I thought they were trying to perforate my eardrums with particularly blunt chopsticks

Nutty justice

2006-04-10T22:14:00.000+01:00

While clambering up the steps to the Tower Bridge from the quayside, I encountered a homeless and probably jobless person. Someone whose efforts in life have been bootless. (I really wanted to use that word). Anyway, as is their wont, he asked for charity. I had run out out change, so I offered him the bag of honey-roasted peanuts I had.Mmmm.He refused. Said he had nut allergy.That is what I call

2006-04-09T00:18:00.000+01:00

Apparently Sonia M.-Gandhi has resigned from yet another post - Chairmanship of the Rajeev Gandhi Foundation. Nope, no idea what it does. Workshops on how to stage a good scam? Lectures on High Finance: How to kick back with kickbacks in Switzerland?Anyway, all these resignations, and the consequent withdrawal symptoms can't be good for her health. She should just resign from life. A nice swift

London's Other Eye

2006-04-08T13:48:00.000+01:00

To accompany The London Eye.The National Gallery redux: An alternate view of London's High Temple of Art. Of primary interest is the Woman in White, the Damsel in Distress, the Priestess on the Pillar. No doubt her Knight in Shining Armour, which just happens to be black in this case, is the guy in the corner here.The Big Ben: A warning to mortals to not mess with Father Time, the big bad male

A London horror story

2006-04-05T18:09:00.000+01:00

Once upon a time, there was car, a mini car.And as minis do, it got hungry. So it strolled to a hamburger joint, and partook of calorific, unsustainable sustenance. Slowly but steadily, its rear end began to enlarge, as the following graphic evidence suggests.It was no longer a mini, but a midi. But, rather than noticing its large back fender (come on rearview mirrors are there for some reason),

The London Eye

2006-04-04T09:43:00.000+01:00

I was in London this weekend. So, while I compile my usual terrible three from London, here are three more photogenic aspects of that city, done injustice by my roving eye.The National Gallery: Nice if you like art. But, if you think art's fart, step outside and enjoy the view. You will not be alone for Nelson did the same, and the World stood him on a pedestal. Literally.St. James Park: A pretty

Encompassing religion

2006-03-30T23:41:00.000+01:00

The big guy would roll in day after day. Tattoo on his arms, but clean shaven. A nod of a head, a grin, and they both knew they were alive. The thinner guy by the grace of Allah, and the other by virtue of his taste-buds. One day the big guy arrives sporting a small goatee. Unusual. The devout guy grins, "So have you finally found true religion then?""Yeah, mate. Now would you lend me a compass?

Nostalgia trips 3

2006-03-26T00:54:00.000Z

I guess I have always liked sticks, hiking, dogs, flat-caps and grandparents. The dog's name is Brandy and she was an Alsatian.

Nostalgia trips 2

2006-03-25T17:13:00.000Z

God, how I have absolutely hated school all my life. Making that poor boy carry all that junk wrapped in hardly the most comfortable schoolbag, and that ridiculous bottle, and being made to wear ankle-high trousers (so that they don't get dirty), and being woken up at unheard-of hours, and having to travel many a mile in jam-packed buses in inclement weather to face inconsiderate teachers.Bah.But

Nostalgia trips 1

2006-03-24T02:14:00.000Z

I have always loved to drive.

Journalese 5: Carpal Puppetitis Syndrome strikes again!

2006-03-23T15:46:00.001Z

The political fraternity was put on high alert today with reports filtering in of yet another in the highest political echelons falling prey to the dreaded disease Carpal Puppetitis Syndrome (CPS). Sonia Maino-Gandhi, widow of the late Rajeev Gandhi, today resigned from the Indian parliament citing extreme physical pain and difficulties in utilising her wrists. Doctors were united in the opinion

Random quotes #1

2006-03-22T16:30:00.000Z

Bachelor:1. A single who is ready to mingle, has the urge to merge, but flings the ring and omits to commit.2. A man who comes to work each morning from a different direction.3. A guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.4. Someone who never quite gets over the idea that he is a boy forever. (That strikes a note.)"Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly

Journalese 4: From Cola to Colitis

2006-03-21T12:41:00.001Z

The Dainik Bhaskar reports on an issue of (g)astronomical importance. Because this newspaper sticks to the vernacular in its reporting, I provide a freelwheeling translation for the benefit of our linguistically challenged readers. --- Farmers in the central Indian province of Madhya Pradesh were dismayed to find that pesticides were not quite equal to the demands of their job. The pests

2006-03-19T16:48:00.000Z

"Anyways, you know, main aaj kal bahaut poetry padhne lagi hoon. This Gopalsdas Neeraj is kaafi good, in fact. Sometimes, to main rone bhi lagti hoon. English poetry? Nahin, English poetry to I can't read much. Unko samajhna kaafi hard hota hai, no?"Why do I have my doubts about her Hindi being more thoroughbred than her English?I know, Cambridge lends air to my arrogance.

2006-03-18T21:14:00.000Z

How can I help you Sir?One hot chocolate.Regular or large?Regular.Would you like cream?No.Drink in?Yes, please.That will be £1.95 Sir.How can I help you Sir?One hot chocolate.Regular or large?Regular.Would you like cream?No.Drink in?Yes, please.That will be £1.95 Sir.How can I help you Sir?One hot chocolate.Regular or large?Regular.Would you like cream?No.Drink in?Yes, please.That will be £1.95

Deep insight #1

2006-03-17T12:25:00.000Z

I finally figured out why (most) men find women enticing, intriguing, captivating, etc.-ing. Though their peculiar anatomical construction may play a role, far more important is the fact that here, for a change, is a creature that takes care of its appearance, combs its hair, bathes, smells a-Ok, brushes teeth, walks with dignity, has poise, etc. It is all so bizarre and unnatural. So different

Coffee

2006-03-17T11:03:00.000Z

Not that I like coffee, but when I do partake of the beverage, I like it hot, strong and sweet (Coffee:Sugar::1:3). In other words, to paraphrase certain politically incorrect saying of the Old West, Coffee should beBlacker than Night,Sweeter than Sin andHotter than Hell.I leave it to you to spot where one could stumble into political incorrectness.

Shadders*

2006-03-16T00:39:00.000Z

Some there be that shadows kiss;Such have but a shadow's bliss. - Shakespeare (Merchant of Venice)When small men begin to cast big shadows, it means that the sun is about to set. - Lin YutangFollow a shadow, it still flies you,Seem to fly, it will pursue: So court a mistress, she denies you; Let her alone, she will court you. Say are not women truly, then, Styled but the shadows of

The Daily Slimes: The Neverending Song

2006-03-13T20:20:00.000Z

The Daily Slimes updates The Neverending Song with this contribution from the acclaimed Argentine rapper Buenas Hairees Dias. He was bald. He is said to have composed it while climbing Mt. Aconcagua. Unfortunately, he died when attempting to rap on a particularly slippery glacier. It pays not to climb The Stone Sentinel* when stoned. I Am A Little Pie** I am a little soy, That wishes to be a

Birds of a feather... shed together

2006-03-12T17:42:00.000Z

Here is an old joke:---A Sardar (or Sikh, is a follower of Sikhism) breaks to a stop in front of a railway crossing. A rather large nautical looking bird alights on his windscreen. The sardar leans out and saysBirdie, birdie, ki gal hai?(Birdie, Birdie, Wassup?)The bird retorts thus,Surdie, surdie Seagull hai. (Surdie Surdie, it is a Seagull. Surdie = shortform of Sardar.) ---Because folks

Sociological coffee

2006-03-11T22:09:00.000Z

Today seemed to be the Baby-carrier's day out. Coffee shops were overflowing with Mommy's wearing the self-satisfied smirk of a job well delivered, and wooden chairs were creaking with the weight of blissful Madre's, still a few months to their destination, shoveling enough stuff down to meet the demands of at least four baby whales .Considering the average girth of the female form on display, I

Karthikey? Nope, Kartikey.

2006-03-10T22:23:00.000Z

NB. I have it from maternal authority that it should be Kartikey, and not Karthikey, but that address (kartikey.blogspot...) is being squat upon.Yeah, well, amongst us Hindus, or, at least, amongst those from my neck of woods, a new born child is given two names. His/her real name, and another associated with his/her Rashi (Moon sign). Kartikey is my name associated with my Rashi, which is Mithun

Oh shit!

2006-03-10T01:37:00.000Z

Two situations when saying 'Oh Shit' maybe overlooked by the Emily Post committee:I never liked window seats.All that effort to learn swimming isn't going to add up to much.

Journalese 3: Heavy fine on lightening centre

2006-03-09T21:37:00.001Z

A consumer court has imposed a heavy fine on a slimming centre at Punjabi Bagh for failing to burn the fat of three customers. The centre had assured to reduce the weight of Aarti Kapur, Vikram Kapur and Divya Kapur by 10 kg, 30 kg and 20 kg respectively. But at the end of the course, the complainants lost only four, nine and 10 kg, respectively. Bloody funny! Knowing the Punjabis'* penchant to

Your friendly neighbourhood superhero

2006-03-07T16:44:00.000Z

Well, I whacked another spider. He was prancing about dangerously close to my bag of rice. Anyway, while I was shuddering as I was picking up the telltale remains, I recalled Misty's picture, as it was put out by her owner. In the picture he had her lovingly cradled in his palm. Eww.Out popped the question: What kind of a man makes love to a Tarantula?... and the answer is, as you may well have

Baba sahab's day out

2006-03-05T22:26:00.000Z

I have just returned from London. I was up there witnessing an interesting union between an Indian bride and a nth (n > 2) generation Mauritian (not Martian) of Indian descent.As usual, when I prowl through London, I collect my share of pearls:The London bus: ... is falling down. Well, nyet really, but you will if you don't heed me. Try not to take the suggestion to 'stand in front of the

The Daily Slimes: The Neverending Song

2006-02-25T20:24:00.000Z

We at The Daily Slimes are constantly looking out for the budding poet, the unnoticed lyricist, and, most of all, the celebrity nudist. In an effort to tap into the song-writing talent of our wide readership (all three of them), we present a song that never ends, so that any one of you can keep adding onto it, as long as you keep the beat (so to speak). I Am A Little Pie* I am a little pie,

Journalese 2: On the (black) board walk*

2006-02-24T18:39:00.000Z

The newspaper reports that..."... from next year, the board is introducing compulsory sex education from class VI onwards in all affiliated schools. The decision to introduce ‘‘adolescent education’’ has been prompted by a need to help students cope with growing up pains and puberty trauma. A substantial chunk of the curriculum will centre around sexual concerns like physical changes at puberty,

Peace summits

2006-02-21T17:49:00.000Z

Hamas calls for giant summit with all Israelis to find a final solution for everlasting peace.Another killer Onion headline!

The Bridge of The Big 'O'

2006-02-21T17:10:00.000Z

In an earlier post, I had remarked that a certain photograph was taken from 'The Bridge of Orgasms'. Well, here is the bridge:I agree, not particularly erotic.The cockeyed looking building in the background is the Jerwood Library, also known as the Tit Hall Library, being, you know, the library, you know, that belongs to Tit Hall, which, you know, is a college at Cambridge.So why the risque name

Strutting about parlours

2006-02-15T20:50:00.000Z

She was sitting right there, just about an inch from my newly washed jeans (Yeah, I sometimes wash them). Anyway, there she was, sitting complacently. Probably leering at me from unseen eyes, confident in the knowledge that terrified of Misty's revenge I shall not strike with the uplifted slipper.God, spider's give me the heebie-jeebies. And, confident ones even more so.I was at a loss with what

Clippings: Railway station

2006-02-13T23:11:00.000Z

The Indian Express reports that the denizens of Balwantpura in the state of Rajasthan having decided that ten years was enough time for the Indian Railways to construct a station at their town, turned up their sleeves, spat on their palms, and built it (the station) themselves. The station features has all the basic amenities, and is manned by a retired railway employee from one of the

Journalese* 1

2006-02-13T22:41:00.000Z

Is it just me, or is the following take (in bold) by the Times of India absolutely hilarious?"European Hindus have joined their American counterparts to fight the whisky wars against an American manufacturer’s controversial attempt to advertise its tipple through images of Goddess Durga astride a tiger, cradling numerous bottles of whisky in her many hands. (TOI has deliberately refrained from

Golden quadrilateral

2006-02-11T23:28:00.000Z

Here is a photograph of the proposed quadrilateral of roads.The thing I like about this photograph is that there is a stretch of road connecting Kanpur to Delhi, which is great because in all probability within the year I will be working at the former place, while my family will be at the latter. Now if I only had my Miata, life would be purrfect. Sigh, no way I am gonna be able to afford that

Sonia Maino - Italian waitress.

2006-02-11T23:09:00.000Z

Because I am on a roll, pilfering articles over the net, here is one more, though probably only of interest to people with an eye on the Indian political scene. Heartbreaking! To be ruled by the mafiosi a mere 50 years after the plundering shopkeepers left us...by Sudheendra Kulkarni from the Indian Express:All IFS of history are flights of imagination. Yet, despite their implausibility, their

Secularism

2006-02-11T22:38:00.000Z

I have a very strong suspicion of "secular" people. I employ the quotes to emphasize that I am suspicious of them because I don't believe they are really secular. Most times they find it easier to beat upon certain relegions more than other ones. But, it has always been hard for me to be able to define my position, and I think the following excerpt from an editorial by Vir Sanghvi hits large

Boxed thinking

2006-02-10T15:22:00.000Z

There was a knock on Prof. William P. Thurston's Princeton office. A student from his undergraduate Maths course had come to ask him questions during office hours. A disembodied voice told him to step inside. The student entered gingerly. It was a stark office. Just a table, and a chair, and great big cardboard box on the table. However, no sign of the brilliant Professor."Er... Prof. Thurston...

Burg ... erm ... ers?

2006-02-09T14:19:00.000Z

Ultra-reactions

2006-02-09T14:12:00.000Z

Suicide Bomber Reacts Poorly To Surprise Birthday Party! Ha ha, The Onion is too funny sometimes.

Underdone sunsets

2006-02-07T21:30:00.000Z

A friend sent me this poem by P. G. WodehouseCaliban at SunsetI stood with a manWatching the sun go down.The air was full of murmurous summer scentsAnd a brave breeze sang like a bugleFrom a sky that smouldered in the west,A sky of crimson, amethyst, gold and sepiaAnd blue as blue were the eyes of HelenWhen she satGazing from some high tower in IliumUpon the Grecian tents darkling below.And he,

Photoloose in Cambridge

2006-02-06T17:45:00.000Z

I have this Sunday tradition. While people wend Churchways, I head off to Caffe Nero (for gringos that would mean Starbucks, EU-style) to while away a morning on hot chocolate and attempted scientific writing. Nowadays, I take my camera along to snap up a bit of Cambridge before I depart.Here are some random views:This is the block of flat I live in, the one recently terrorised by Misty. That is

Misty is missing!

2006-02-05T21:39:00.000Z

Yesiree, Misty the neighbourhood Tarantula has escaped. Apparently some schmuck in my block of flats thinks a Tarantula is an appropriate pet to have. Hey, I don't care if you keep King Kong as a pet, but when dealing with such... er... fascinating pets, it is quintessential that you keep a keen eye on them, not just let them slip away for the weekend.Now I don't mind spiders per se, at least as

NREGS

2006-02-03T00:46:00.000Z

That is the National Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme, under which the Government of India promises 100 days of work in a year over and above to any other source of livelihood to any individual, was launched yesterday. You can read more about it here.The guy on the right is the first person to avail of this scheme.Besides the point that it is a grand scheme that may just do wonders, the reason I

Deconstructing Indian fashion, MCD* style.

2006-02-02T22:32:00.000Z

DELHI'S MOST glamorous designer hub -- MG 1 -- has been erased off the address book. On Wednesday morning, bulldozers razed its facade, marking the end of a mall that did business to the tune of over Rs 15 crore a month. The shocked bunch of designers rushed to the mall to clear out the merchandise from their stores. Expensive clothes, neatly hung, were shoved into huge cartons and even sacks

Working for the man*

2006-02-02T15:50:00.000Z

The lopsided fate of most marriages:Sad.*From the title of a great song by Roy Orbison.

Hairy scary

2006-02-02T15:40:00.000Z

This reminds me of my hair, or, at least, what it used to be before the Desert Hawks* struck. Though even now I can do a good impression.*Desert Hawks: A helicopter squadron of the India Air Force. The squadron leader was kind enough to give me his cap with the squadron's insignia on it. Good man. I wore it proudly. He forgot to mention that he had lost all his hair to some debilitating scalp

From Penicillin to Penis 'ealin.

2006-02-01T08:40:00.000Z

"A disgruntled New Zealand doctor has turned from pills to prostitutes, winning a licence to convert his former medical practice into a brothel. He decided to open the brothel following a tiff with health officials over after-hours care."At least he has remained honest to himself about sticking to after-hours care. One wonder though what his tiff about "after-hours care" with health officials

Sania's siren power

2006-01-31T12:55:00.000Z

They said that she is one of the hottest women to come out of India. The fact that she played world class tennis no doubt adding to her persona. Anyway, I had my doubts regarding her powers of attraction. All these doubts were shot down courtsey this picture showing what a mere handshake can do to the most hardened (ha ha!) of politicos:I think this chap is the Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh (

The Pachmarhi* story

2006-01-30T20:04:00.000Z

I am bored of deconstructing life and granular materials in English, so am going to put out one of the six essays I wrote in German a couple of years ago. If you don't understand, don't ask me to translate - all the German I knew has since sunk like the battleship Bismarck. Here goes:Kennst du Pachmarhi? Eine kleine Dorf in den Satpura Hügeln. Es gibt grüne Lichtungen, dunkle und große Hügel,

Dr A. Q. Khan alias Photochor* Khan presents The Islamic Bomb

2006-01-30T14:49:00.000Z

Courtsey PEE TV:http://rapidshare.de/files/9304350/Photochor.swf.htmlhttp://media.putfile.com/photochorBloody hilarious!Be patient, I thought the wait was worth it. PS: if anyone knows how to download that movie onto my computer, do let me know.*Photochor = Photo + chor, chor = thief.

Interning an intern

2006-01-29T18:39:00.000Z

An intern from Terna Medical College Mumbai, who was posted in Gavhan near Panvel, recalls an encounter with a patient who had rushed in with a bite on his neck at two in the morning, screaming something in Marathi. The intern, originally from UP, did not understand the language very well but still tried to get details of the bite by asking questions like, “Did it have hair? Big teeth? Scary